Justify
by simplicty
Summary: A visitor from Barry's past reveals a secret long kept.


Barry didn't drop things. Okay that was a lie he was clumsy (in a cute way) and dropped things a lot. Except he always used his speed to grab them. Leonard remembered once Iris told him there was a vast difference in the number of broken dishes in their home since Barry woke up and became The Flash. He didn't doubt her.

That was why it was such a shock when Barry's glass slipped from his hand and made impact with the ground. Breaking into pieces and spilling his drink.

Then Len looked to his boyfriends eyes. Wide—well they were usually wide (people called him a puppy for a reason)-but this wide wasn't his starry wide eyed expression that Len was so fond of-no... Barry was scared. _His_ Barry was scared.

"Hey Barr."

 _Barr?_

Whoever this guy was—younger then Len himself but far older then Barry—tall too, strong jaw, and—shame. Len recognized shame-that was shame. He also called Barry 'Barr', something that was considered (or at least Len considered it), something of high importance. Something whoever this guy was-he didn't deserve.

"How'd you find me?" Barry asked, he hadn't even glanced toward the broken glass. Usually when Barry broke stuff (which he did _a lot_ ) he apologized for it. It was in his nature.

The guy shuffled awkwardly toward them, hands in his pockets, eyes fixed to his feet. The moment he came closer Barry leaned toward Len. The guy, he scared Barry, that alone wanted to make Len punch him out (after all Barry Allen didn't scare for no reason this guy must have done _something_ ), the only thing keeping him from doing so was Barry's hand that had tightly wrapped itself around his own.

"I called Joe." The guy bit his lip, looking up from his feet and then to Barry. He was reading Barry's expression—well actually it didn't take a lot of reading. Barry's expression, his fear, it was so obvious it could be a billboard sign. "He said if you weren't at the precinct or Star Labs you'd be here with your... boyfriend." He looked Len over. Len hated look overs, well actually he more particularly hated being on the other side of the look overs.

" _Why_ did you find me?" Barry said as if he were correcting himself. His stance changed, standing straight now-as if making himself appear taller would make him be stronger. Or maybe not be, maybe he wanted to feel stronger. Len honestly couldn't tell, because even if Barry wanted to look or feel like he was that Len knew he was scared. Otherwise his hand wouldn't be getting as it was.

"I wanted to apologize."

"Get out."

Barry spoke fast, which shouldn't have surprised Len as much as it did considering he was an actual Speedster. Part of that shock also came form the rage in Barry's eyes though at the suggestion of an apology.

"Please-"

"You know if Iris was here she would of socked you." Barry interrupted quickly. "Or maybe thrown a chair at you. I wouldn't stop her either."

"But-"

"The only thing you should be saying to me is _'Thank you'_ because I didn't tell Joe who would've _shot_ you." Barry's tone was more acid like now, his hand was no longer squeezing. His fear had been quelled by rage, Len knew the feeling all too well.

But what the hell did this guy do that would of made Joe shot him and Iris attack on sight? What did he do to Barry? Whatever it was it was absolutely no good.

"Now _**get out**_." Barry spoke in such a tone some heads around the bar turned to him in shock. The regulars and bartenders were used to Barry around, sweet old Barry the boss's boyfriend. Who smiled and was sweet, none of them were used to a Barry with such anger in his expression, with clenched fists and grinding teeth.

The guy left. He didn't run, but he didn't take his sweet time either. Speed walking away, and Barry didn't take his eyes off him til the other was out of sight.

"Wanna tell me what that was about Red?" Len had taken a seat, his expression was its usual nonchalant one. It was easy, he saw this type of thing almost everyday. Except not with his boyfriend. Nobody fucked with Barry if Len could help it. That was why when he knew the story he'd deal with whoever that was, and the only thing keeping him calm was all the practice he'd had. Otherwise he'd be _demanding_ an explanation instead of actually _asking_ for one.

Barry took a seat, it was obvious he didn't wanna talk about it. But Len didn't have any intention of saying 'Its okay, you don't have to say', and if Barry ended up not talking he'd go to Iris. If she didn't talk well, he had his ways of finding things out.

"I need you to promise me something." Barry spoke, and his hand softly grasping Len's arm combined with his puppy dog eyes told Len he would not like this promise.

"If I tell you you aren't going to go after anyone. You aren't going to go on some killing spree or freak out or anything like that."

Len wanted so desperately to roll his eyes on that, as if a promise would stop him from going after someone who hurt Barry. But last time he rolled his eyes at Barry well... it wasn't fun sleeping on the couch until he apologized (which took three weeks for him to do. The days were so agonizing he counted.)

"Fine." He said curtly.

It was actually kind of funny, even before they were together he lied to Barry. Barry should no better, or maybe he was fully aware Len wouldn't keep his promise...?

"Okay so it happened when I was-" Barry paused, noticing they had a small audience of people listening in and pretending not to be looking at the pair.

Len stood up and gestured for Barry to follow him to the back room. There was a bedroom back there, before Barry that bedroom had had many guests in it. Now it only allowed one.

Barry sat down on the bed slowly opposed to his usual flop or jump. It was slightly unnerving. Len took a seat beside him, Barry's expression was downtrodden and also... frightened, but Len couldn't imagine what he was scared of. Except—the _dumbass_.

He took Barry's chin in his hand and tilted his head up, so Barry could see his expression. His one that he hoped expressed all he felt for Barry, that love, trust, _acceptance_. Barry accepted Len for all his faults (and there were plenty), there was nothing that would change he love he felt when he looked to the younger man. Len's hand caressed Barry's cheek for a moment before he lent his forehead down so it touched Barry's.

"I know what you're thinking." He wouldn't say it, he hated even the idea of it. "Stop thinking it and tell me what happened."

Barry pulled back, tears were filling his eyes—his eyes that were usually so full of hope and happiness. The tears fell down his cheeks but the water remained building in his eyes, not stopping like a stream.

"I was in my first year of collage." He began, his voice small. Barry adjusted himself, pulling his knees up to the bed then pulling them close to his chest. His eyes were fixed t the ground, he didn't want to see Len's expression. "I was dating this guy—not the guy you met but one of his friends and well—I was naïve-"

Len snickered.

"Naiv _er._ "

It was a nice change it atmosphere, even if it was a flash of a smile (pun intended, as always), it was still a smile on his face despite the tears.

"And well, I was dating this guy. My first boyfriend. No one even knew at home that I was bi—not even Iris. I was already the kid whose Dad was in prison for murdering his Mom, I didn't want people judging me for that too. At the time I didn't think I could take it. People at collage were so open though, it was nice and I enjoyed it." Barry had a fond look on his face from the memories. And as much as Len hated to spoil it he needed to know.

"So, the guy?"

"Yeah, the guy. He was really sweet to me, sweeter then anyone else had really ever been. I kinda did anything he asked, so when he asked me to come to a party with him I—I didn't even think about if I had plans or a test the next day I said yes. The party _sucked_. He left me all alone, I was about to go home when he stopped me. He um... he gave me a drink and—my foster dad was a _cop_ and I should have known better!"

"Barry." Len interrupted, he wanted to hug the other. Hold him and tell him it wasn't his fault, but he'd do that after Barry finished. He needed to know for sure.

"My mind was really hazy—I've never taken anything before—still haven't since-" His words caught in his throat and Barry shut his eyes tightly. Len heard it, in his breathing—it was getting for him to tell.

"I remember—I wasn't able to move and everything around me was so blurry but it—they were so many of them. And it— _god Len it hurt."_ Barry hunched over letting out a sob. "It hurt so much. I remember them-" Barry looked sick. "Them _inside_ me. And they were so gross and I couldn't—I couldn't move-" Barry shut his eyes tightly—Len would guess he was trying to catch his breath. "I woke up. There was um... it was all over me. The guy—the one who invited me-he gave me a change of clothes and let me use his shower. He um-he invited me over for another party and then I-I punched him. Never spoke to him again after that. I needed to talk to someone so I told Iris and made her swear to secrecy. If Joe knew he'd end up in prison for—and I also didn't need the um reporters and trial and all of that—the one guy I knew was really rich I couldn't imagine how rich all the others were and-and-"

"Barry." Len silenced him, he wrapped his arms securely around his boyfriend. He kissed his forehead and held him close. "You don't need to justify your choice to me... You don't have to justify _anything_ to me. Not ever." He kissed his forehead again and simply held him.

The two stayed that way for the rest of the night til Barry fell asleep in his arms. Then Len tucked him into the bed, planning to re-join him after doing a quick task.

"Iris." He spoke to Barry's foster sister over the phone. "I'm gonna need some names from you."

* * *

 **A/N**

 **So I love Coldflash and this is my first completed work for the fandom and I'm happy with it! I've had this idea in myhead forages and am happy I finally got it all written down lol, I hope the characters weren't terribly OOC and and I apologize for the title bc I am lame at tiles lol. Anyway I hope you enjoyed it!**


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